How not to pick up married women

On Thursday night I walked home from the grocery store, laden down with a full back pack and three grocery bags. I was hiking it up the hill to our building when I was stopped by a stranger whom I thought was going to ask me for directions- which is common enough; this is Jerusalem, whose civil engineers don’t own a compass. Alas no, he was stopping me on my sherpa-style summit to mac on me.

First he asked me if I spoke English and if I lived nearby. OK- so far so good, sounds like a directions question coming up. But then he straightened his jacket, puffed up his shoulders and suggested that maybe I would like to “show him around town.” The line was so lame I was tempted to ask, “has that ever worked for you?” This one was almost as good as the time I got told I “looked spiritual” by some dude by the newspaper shop in Rehavia.

What the heck? I NEVER get hit on and yet here it seems like a common occurrence. Did that overnight flight do wonders for my complexion and turn me into a raving beauty? Perhaps the sheen of sweat on my forehead and the three hundred pounds of groceries screamed out “I am looking for a good time” like a tube-top and a miniskirt. Do you think I am easy because I am not Jewish? Because that is ridiculously offensive. (And this time, this dude gets no breaks for being from another culture; his perfect English accent was either Montreal or New Jersey.) And this guy was a full-on kippah wearer. As a Christian, I am not the kind of girl these guys dream about taking home to their mothers. I don’t get it.

The nice thing is, when I have been hit on, there have been no catcalls or anything truly rude said. And at least they are not persistent. Perhaps they do know that their weak pick up lines are completely lame. They do know how to take no for an answer. But really. Who falls for this crap?